The fact that I have actually had this draft saved for about 2 weeks already tells you how this blog post is gonna go. And yes, you’d be right in thinking nothing has changed in those two weeks either.
I know my previous post was very positive about getting into fitness and that whole lifestyle, but as predicted I have reached a lull in my motivation. This has lasted about a month. In fact about a week after writing that blog post my gym progress went dramatically downhill. This was down in part to me getting really ill- I was tired and rundown and burnt myself out and ended up with a huge migraine that lasted about a week, so that was me out of action. Then obviously because I got out of the routine, and I kept telling myself I was working a lot, I kept finding excuses not to go again. Then, shock horror, we went on holiday for two weeks to the middle of nowhere in Scotland and as a result I had no access to a gym.
There was a slight improvement though, my younger brother and mum both commented on seeing progress on my physique (that sounds weird but you know how I mean), and my mental state. Mostly my brother noted that he was getting screamed at less, because yanno, I’m a nice big sister. They asked MY advice on if there was anything similar they could do from home in order to see similar improvements, which felt kinda crazy. This was shortly before I got ill, so at this point I was fully on board. I may have mentioned in the previous post about this that I was following the B_ND “Get Shreddy” gym guide, so obviously I suggested that they follow the Home Guide version of this, that way I could “supervise” too. It also seemed the best idea with us going away with no access to the gym in Scotland, because this way with my resistance bands and few weights I would still hopefully be able to keep up with the exercise.
But like I said, it all then swiftly went downhill and I haven’t quite felt the same since. I’m annoyed with myself because I was actually really enjoying the gym and there was a lot of pride every time someone told me they could see that the gym was making a difference. I am even more annoyed that I don’t even really have a reason not to have gone, or at least done something. Alright, fair enough, that first week I really was unwell and I’d have probably really done myself some harm if I had forced myself there. But the three weeks after? When I have bought the Home Guide and already have the bands and weights, I had no reason not to spend even 45 minutes a day doing this when I know it benefits me. So of course I am beating myself up about it.
I have gone the last two days since we got back from our holiday. I needed to burn off some emotional energy after those two weeks which were filled with a mixture of really good family times, but also me being stuck with my thoughts having very little else to do. Head swarming with concerns about the future, and the present, my car then broke down the day we were due to come home, and having finally made it home we had to put our family dog of 14 years to sleep. So yeah, I needed to do something with this pent up energy. Two days into the gym again and I have given myself another “rest day”, yes I know that is the proper name but it is in quotes because it is not a proper rest day. I am only not going because I couldn’t fit it into my day properly, or I could but I don’t want to, and that doesn’t feel like a good enough reason.
I absolutely could have fit the gym, or even some home exercises into some point of my day. I could have gone before, or after work, but I am finding reasons not to do either. Internally I know it is because I saw a girl at the gym yesterday who was what most people would call goals, and have compared myself relentlessly since, and as a result feel inadequate. I feel embarrassed to be in the gym when I know there are people like her there. Yes, this is a very petty attitude. I am the first person to remind anyone with any doubts that absolutely everyone at the gym is working on something and everyone is there for a reason. Noone (I mean, I really hope) goes to the gym just to look good, walk around a bit and get everyone’s attention. That girl, and everyone else there will probably feel some degree of the same insecurities. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Since I will be posting this a day after writing it, I hope it makes sense to say that I am writing yesterday off as a rest day, yes, an actual “rest day” because I know rest is as important as anything else. And I will get myself back there today. Surely I can’t sit there and post this about needing to go to the gym, and not guilt myself into going right? It is my day off and I have nothing to do but get myself there!!
Soooo, I hope you enjoyed reading this fairly pointless blog post about losing motivation. I hope if you are in a similar situation to me motivation wise then this will stop you beating yourself up as much as you would have because everyone has lulls in their willpower and that is nothing to be ashamed of or torture yourself for. Make the next day your fresh start and start over. You are doing this for yourself, and you need to take time, allow yourself rest, and not punish yourself because it is taking time. Because it will do.